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Monday, 28 March 2011
You never know what you have until you lose it, and once you lose it, you can never get it back. My heart was taken by you... broken by you... and now it is in pieces because of you. Love is like falling down... in the end you're left hurt, scarred, and with a memory of it forever. You're the one who broke my heart, you're the reason my world fell apart, you're the one who made me cry, yet I'm still in love with you and I don't know why. A million words would not bring you back, I know because I've tried, neither would a million tears, I know I've cried. Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I've felt, letting go is the most painful yet. Sometimes the memories are worth the pain. Sometime you just have to hold your head up high, blink away the tears and say good-bye. For a few minutes you made me feel as though I actually meant something to someone. We are afraid to care to much, for fear that the other person does not care at all. People think it is holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it's letting go. I wish he meant it when he kissed me cause then I could look back and see someone who loved me . You always say you hate to see me hurt, and you hate to see me cry. So all those times that you hurt me, did you close your eyes? Sad isn't it? How no matter what you do or say to me... when you come running back... when you need me again... I'll be here... right here waiting for you, I'll take you back... no questions asked. So... from now on... when you think of me... just remember that I could've been the best thing you ever had. You hurt me more then I deserve, how can you be so cruel? I love you more then you deserve, why am I such a fool? You asked me what was wrong, I smiled and said nothing, when you turned around and a tear came down and I whispered to myself... everything is. In future if you wonder why I don't talk to you anymore and please believe me when I say it's not that I don't want to, it's just that everything I want to say I can't tell you anymore. I don't know which I would rather believe... that you never did care or that you eventually stopped. Hold my hand, just one more time, so I can remind myself why it is that I can't get over you. While I was holding on all you did was let go. Sometimes it's better to be alone. No one can hurt you that way. I just wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have. The hardest thing about growing up is that you have to do what is right for you even if it means breaking someone's heart. Including your own. All I'm asking for is one night together. Just you and me. All alone. And if you can honestly say you don't feel anything for me after that night, I will let you go. Sometimes all you need is a broken heart to realize that something even better is right in front of our eyes, just waiting to be found. Of course, you're going to get your heart broken. And it isn't just going to happen once, but a lot. That's just part of growing up, and it makes you stronger. Then you can handle it better next time. You may not get through it yourself, but your friends will help you through it. And you'll be a stronger person because of it. Then one day someone will come along, and it'll all pay off and no one will ever break your heart again. No one can promise they'll never hurt you because at one time or another, it will happen. The real promise is if the time you spend together will be worth the pain in the end. The worst feeling in the world is knowing you've been used and lied to. Frustrated because I can't tell if it's real. Mad because I don't know how you feel. Upset because we can't make it right. Sad because I need you day and night. Angry because you won't take my hand. Aggravated because you don't understand. Disappointed because we can't be together, but still I'll love you forever. Maybe they are right. Maybe I did get my hopes up too high. Maybe I was in over my head. Maybe I am the stupid one for ever thinking that you loved me, but maybe, just maybe, I am tired of being alone. Every time I see him all cool, calm and collected, I lose my breath, my heart starts pounding, and I am painfully aware that I am not over him and he is over me. I don't know which is worse, being the one with the broken heart or being the person that breaks the hearts. It's not that we aren't meant to be together, I think that we're just not ready for forever. Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing I dont have. There were reasons we met, reasons for the good times and reasons for the bad times, and most importantly a reason to end. We have more to learn, more to experience and more loving to do in this lifetime. Broken heart again. Another lesson learned. Better know your friends. Or you will get burned. I would like to thank you, for showing me a part of myself that I have never seen. Yeah we were young and dumb, but it still was fun and I guess these things just tend to fall apart and I hope you feel the same. Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow; we must fail in order to know. Sometimes our vision only clears after our eyes are washed away with tears. I'm afraid to give you my all, I'm afraid to love you completely. What if behind your beautiful face and kind words you are just bribing me. Maybe you are just reeling me in until you turn around and drop me. I'd fall so far and never be able to recover, I wish I could see the ending sometimes. I would know if I should hold on to you and keep going or just let it all end before I get up too high. I miss all the little things. Like him driving with his hand resting on my knee and the way we'd share a big gooey ice cream. But I especially miss the hot nights in those motel rooms when he was all around me, the taste, and the scent and the feel of him. And I'd fall asleep in his arms, with the sound of his heartbeat being the last thing I heard before going to sleep. I ache with longing. You and me are inevitable, you're all that makes me happy but if you break my heart again, I'll kill you. Love hurts. I say that because I know. Love is... or was amazing. It's an incredible feeling to know what he's going to say. It's more incredible the way he has me on the edge of my seat because he's so completely random, I never know what's coming next. It's hard to explain, but he filled some void in me, and now, without him, I'm missing something again. I wonder if it will ever truly, whole heartedly be filled again. I just don't want to know what it's like to hurt any more... I've been laying here all night, listening to the rain. Talking to my heart and trying to explain. Why sometimes I catch myself wondering what might have been. Yes I do think about you, every now and then. I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of falling. I'm not scared of the dark, I'm scared of what's in it. I'm not afraid of love, I'm afraid of not being loved back. In this weird twisted way, I know you miss me liking you, not because I want to believe it's true, but because you'll never find a girl that can put up with you like I did; you'll never find a girl who will care as much as I did, because no one will waste all there love on someone like you, like I did. I didn't ask for it to be over, but then again, I didn't ask for it to begin. For that's the way it is with life, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance. But even the most beautiful days eventually have their sunsets. I wish I saved all the tears I cried for you so I could fucking drown you in them. I tried to hold onto what we had, but you didn't even make an effort. You lied you cheated and left me to cry all alone once again. And when I return looking more beautiful and confident than ever before all I want you to realize is what you had and what you will never have again. It's amazing after all we've been through the good times and the bad how we can walk past each other and pretend like it never happened give each other an awkward smile and move on. Perhaps I saw what I wanted to see in him and made him to be more than he was. The tough thing about following you heart is that people forget to mention that sometimes the heart takes you to places you shouldn't be. Places that are scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring. Sometimes your heart cannot take you to places that lead to happy ending. That's not even the difficult part; the difficult part is when you follow your heart, you leave normal; you go into the unknown and once you do you can never go back. Am I mad at you? That's your main concern after shattering my whole world? Mad for what? Breaking my heart? Or for all the lies? Maybe for letting me put all my trust in you only to be betrayed? How about the fact you didn't even have the decency to tell me to my face? Or the way you think it's crazy that I'm crying over it cause to you breaking up is no big deal. Am I mad at you?... no. More like crushed... did I ever really know you? It's really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don't want to let go but its even more painful to ask someone to stay if they never wanted to stay. In love you find the oddest combinations; materialistic people find themselves in love with idealists; clingers fall in love with players; homebodies capture and try to smother butterflies. It it wasn't so serious we could laugh at it. I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mending whole was good as new. What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go. I'm so paranoid of getting hurt. I am always getting my heart broken over and over. My heart has so many scars and bruises all over it. I don't know how much just one heart can take really, and I don't really want to find out either. Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun. After a while, you learn the difference between holding a hand, and falling in love. You'll learn kisses don't always mean something. Promises can be broken just as easily as they were made, and as hard as it is to believe, sometimes goodbyes are forever. Life doesn't hurt until you have time to yourself to think about how things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it is your fault. It's like once you've been hurt, you're so scared to get attached again. you have this fear that every person you start to fall for, is just going to break your heart again. If you don't love me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best. Just let me ask you something...if I happen to walk out of this room right now and never come back, and just forget everything and leave it all behind would you be okay with that? Because I have 5 steps til I close this door and you have 5 seconds to make up your mind...starting now... Make me stay. Say something sweet and tender and untrue and make me stay. The hardest thing about knowing you don't love me is that you spent so much time pretending that you did. Like being in love there must be a corresponding painful side like losing in love, it's just a fact of life. If I asked him, would he even know the color of my eyes? There's only one "reason" a man dumps you; he doesn't want you. You really know you love someone when all you want is for them to be happy, even if that means that you are not a part of it. It's not my fault if I can't help looking at you. It's not my fault if I can't stop calling you. It's not my fault I do like you. My only mistake was to fall to much in love with you. If your gonna make me cry, at least be there to wipe away the tears. I'm holding on to something that used to be there hoping it will come back, knowing it won't. I want you to know that you will never find another girl that will put up with as much crap as I do and enjoy it. You will never find another girl that will put up with you and love you the way I do. Just so you know. There's always that one special person that no matter what they do to you, you just cant let them go. At first, I cried because I didn't have you why do I still cry now that I do? How could you make me love you and then not be there to love me back? I sit here and think about everything that happened this past week and not a single tear runs down my cheek. Maybe its because I'm too hurt to cry, or maybe I'm just to mad at you. Maybe just maybe its my hearts way of telling me this isn't over yet. What do you do when the only person who can stop your tears is the one making you cry. I'd like to think I'll be happy again, but I really need to just stop and cry now, and sometimes I wish I could just scream at you, and show you what you do to me. And even though you lied, and even though you pretended to care I can't seem to get you out of my mind and even though it seems like I should be over you, with every tear that falls, it reminds me of how much I am still in love with you. Have you ever hated somebody so much that you wish they would just leave and never come back but yet, loved them so much, you knew youd die if they did? I've been through this pain before I've even cried these tears before but to get you back, I'd go through so much more. The truth of the matter is, I still have feelings for you. I know I made a lot of stupid mistakes in my life, but the worst one was thinking the person who hurt me the most wouldn't hurt me again. I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because every time I fall in love, it never seems to last. You're the reason I live and the reason I die, you're the reason I smile yet break down and cry, you're the reason I keep going and the reason I fall, cause without you in my life I'm nothing at all. I have waited for you for months and I will wait for you for the rest of my life. Even if that means I have to give you up for the rest of my life, I will wait for you. I love you that much and nothing will ever change that. I'm gonna smile, because I wanna make you happy, laugh, so you won't see me cry. I'm gonna let you go in style, and even if it kills me, I'm gonna smile. Love? It's kind of complicated, but I'll tell you this the second you're willing to make yourself miserable to make someone else happy, that's love right there. You asked me what was wrong, I smiled and said nothing, when you turned around and a tear came down and I whispered to myself everything is. I would have followed him to hell if he asked me to and with all he put me through. I used to think that if I loved you enough you would realize it and love me back, but I can only love so much for so long. I love you yet I hate you its like I want to throw you off a cliff and then run really fast to the bottom and catch you. I don't know which is worse, loving someone knowing its going to cause you pain or being in pain because you can't love someone. It hurts to realize that them people you thought you'd love for life don't love you as much as you thought they did and can do without you as if they never knew you at all. It seems to me that the harder I try the harder I fall. Ever notice that the people who hurt you the most are the ones you tend to love more. It's funny the way you can get use to the tears and the pain. I want to cry, I really do, but I guess I just don't want to give you the satisfaction of knowing that you hurt me once again. I remember when I still believed the things you said. You can't just cling on to something because it's familiar. Difficult or easy, pleasant or bitter, you are the same you; I cannot live, with or without you. It hurts to see someone you love ignoring you, it also hurts to see that he doesn't feel your love. But it hurts even more to know that he loves you too, and just doesn't want you to know. Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings. I know you never meant to do everything you put me through its okay I forgive you. I never regretted telling you I liked you, I only regretted never hearing what you really thought of me. If you think you've found that one that you really love... make sure they love you back. Don't hate me. Don't regret me. Don't even forget me. Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you. I haven't been around but that doesn't mean I stopped loving you. I never stopped loving you. Even when I was acting crazy, I loved you. I cut to prove to you that you are not the only one that can hurt me. I wish I saved all the tears I cried for you so I could fucking drown you in them. Sometimes I love you, Sometimes you make me blue, Sometimes I feel good, At times I feel used. Loving you darling makes me so confused. Do you want to know what my problem is? I will tell you what my problem is, I LOVE YOU I love your name, I love the way you look at me, I love your gorgeous smile, I love the way you walk, I love your beautiful eyes, I love what you look like when you are asleep, I love the sound of your laugh, to hear your voice fills my entire heart with an indescribable feeling. I love the way I can be having the worst day of my life and seeing you completely changes my mood. I love how when you touch me I get weak, that is my problem... I don't think I ever felt that good and that bad at the same time in my life. Sometimes I may hate you, but I'll always love you. I have been thinking a lot about growing up, and all of the relationships and broken hearts we go through. I always wonder how many times I said "I love you" to someone and knew I didn’t mean it. It makes me think about all of the people that have said they love me and didn’t mean it as well, and I get really pissed off, because I hate when people lie. I mean, if they were lying to get in my pants, that is one thing, but just for the sake of dragging this heart through the mud. I don’t think anyone has ever used me for my body, and that really, really hurts. It really does. I want to be a booty call. Love is putting up with someone's bad qualities because they somehow complete you. Don't stay because you think "it will get better". You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. There's only one "reason" a man dumps you; he doesn't want you. Relationships are very simple. There are only two things that can happen. You either get married or your break up. I may hate myself in the morning But I'm gonna love you tonight. Life is for having fun. Don't be stupid and waste it on some guy/girl who is gonna act like he/she hates you tomorrow. Never waste it on some one who doesn't want their friends to know they're in love with you. Don't give that person the rest of you tears or a month or a year of your life when he/she treats you badly and doesn't mind to make you cry. Every person deserves some one who wants to brag about them. Every person deserves some one who makes them smile and laugh at their worst moments. We all deserve at least that. Relationships are like glasses. If they break, let them stay broken, you'll only hurt yourself trying to fix it. At least the pieces still remain. This is for the broken hearted : I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. You don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. You don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. And everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. That's the confusing part, you don't know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most. And then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you're getting happy again, but you know inside that you're just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you're back to where you were an empty soul and teary eyes. You thought you got over them, but really, you just stopped showing it. And you can't help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever. And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happened to them And even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don't know the true pain you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you've had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you're to the point where you don't care who see's. Because you've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. And in the midst of all these tears, you know that its not helping any, and it's not going to bring them back, if you ever even had them in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. Everyone says, "It will be okay…” But you know it won't. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realize that people are horrible. You're still hurt, but you've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay. So now every time you see this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don't hear it. And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this... Life sucks a lot of the time, huh? But, ya know, if you can get through a heartbreak, you can get through almost anything. I can't stop thinking about him. That has to tell you something. I can't get him out of my head. And quite frankly, I don't even want to try. If you dress nicely, he says you're a snob. If you dress sexy, he says you're a slut. If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn. If you're quiet, he says you're stupid. If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy. If he calls you, he says you should be grateful. If you don't love him, he'll try to win you. If you love him, he'll leave you. If you don't fuck him, he'll say you don't love him. If you do, he'll say you're easy. If you tell him your problems, he'll say you're irritating. If you don't , he'll say you don't trust him. If you lecture him, he'll say you're bitchy. If he lectures you, it's because he "cares". If you break a promise, you can't be trusted. If he breaks it, he had to. If you cheat, he'll expect it to be over. If he cheats, he expects to be given another chance either way. Sometimes things can seem so perfect, and then in a split second. It all comes and blows back up in your face, making you remember, that nothing ever works out for you. Something always fucks up your "perfect thing". I lay there at night, trying to fall asleep But each time I close my eyes Memories of you flash through my mind But then I open my eyes and welcome myself back to reality ... There will always be faces you can never look at without emotion and there are names you can never hear spoken without that same old feelings returning. Just when you think you can move on, you'll remember all the reasons why you held on so long. The only thing worse than a broken heart is knowing you'd give him another chance. I don't understand why I let myself stay with you, after all the lies and all the tears cried. What makes you so fucking special? Why do I waste my time? Why is it that you're so damn irreplaceable? Tell me what I have to do tonight 'Cause I'd do anything to make it right Let's be us again I'm sorry for the way I lost my head I don't know why I said the things I said Let's be us again Here I stand With everything to lose And all I know is I don't want to ever see the end Baby please, I'm reaching out for you Won't you open up your heart and let me come back in. One day you'll look back and think... damn! that girl really did love me... Too often we don't realize what we have until it's gone... too often we wait too long to say "I'm sorry, I was wrong" There's nothing scarier then getting what you want, cause that's when you really have something to lose. I'm mad at myself for crying, I don't even remember the reason but the tears keep flowing and they just wont stop I'm supposed to be strong but everything's so wrong. Maybe sometimes you just have to say what's in your heart, not just what you think someone wants to hear. I'm sorry that I'm not the one you wanted that I made your life fucked up its not telling you how I feel that scares me. Its what you'll say back that does. Learn from your past, move on, grow stronger. People are fake, but let your trust last longer. Do what you got to do, but always stay true, and never let anyone get the best of you. Not everything's gonna be picture perfect... Things sometimes take time and have rough times to get through... Before you can get there but if you give up on things you want, everything you've gone through ends up being completely worthless. If one day you realize that I haven't talked to you in a while it's not because I don't care anymore it's because you pushed me away and just left me there... The higher you build the walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down. I want to be the one - I want to be the person that touches your heart and makes it skip a beat - I want to be that person whose arms make you just melt - I want to be the person that your destined to be with. Just hit play and watch my life fall apart. I can't help myself; I don't want anyone else. Hold me when I cry, sleep with me on my drenched pillow, just for one night. I know it's hard to love me, but couldn't you please just try anyway? Time and time again, I forgave you. I've forgiven you for things that I swore to myself I'd never forgive someone for... and here you are, still hurting me, and I still forgave you.. She's smiling... but she doesn't mean it. She misses how they use to be... she misses how it was so real how they cared for each other without end but most of all, she misses him always being there and telling her everything will be okay because she need's that now, more then ever. She's sick of feeling like something's missing. And these break up songs Are making sense again And I really wish they didn't. For him I'd smile when he's happy kiss him when he's sad... try to be the perfect girl and calm him when he's mad hold his hand to make him strong and say he's right when I know he's wrong. Thursday, 24 March 2011 Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, that's her...   |
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